lonely

I'm really trying to start over and be positive and find me.

It's hard because I've reached a period in my life we're I'm facing all of my problems alone. All my issues with myself, with my family and friends, with school.. I'm in a new environment and I know no one. More than ever, I'm the only person who can make me happy and make this summer good. It's all in my hands - and that terrifies me.

But I know that I need this.


My freshman year of college, I didn't make very many friends. I'm embarrassed to being admitting this and even thinking about it just hurts. I got very sick at the beginning of the year when everyone was making friends. I didn't bond with the girls in my hall. I had mono and stayed in bed for a long time. I missed out on meeting new people. By then, classes had started to get serious so I spent more time staying in and studying than I did going out and having fun. I kept to myself, kept to my schoolwork, instead of making friends. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not at all. I honestly have no friends.
It sucks because the year before, my senior year of high school, I lost a lot of the friends I grew up with. We stopped seeing eye to eye, my interests changed and I matured and we all grew apart - or I grew apart from the group. I was looking forward to college because I wanted to have friends again. The end of my senior year could not come sooner because I was so lonely. And here I am, a year later, still lonely.

My goal in the fall is to make friends. I already got good grades and made Dean's list, now I have to do something for my own benefit and make friends. It's hard for me because I've been alone for so long that I'm starting to wonder if I belong alone.
I'm even spending the summer alone, somewhere I've never been before, where I don't know anyone. I'm really just trying to get a job so I can meet people and maybe find a place I feel comfortable and happy being me. So that I'm not spending every day alone, reading a book.



I miss being happy, and having someone to share that happiness with. Whenever I start to get really positive and happy and excited about life, I realize I have no one to share it with and it just completely kills me. My good mood immediately disappears and I have a dark cloud over my head.
But I'm going to change that.




This summer I want to blossom into happiness.