I'm in I-want-to-end-this-before-you-hurt-me mode. Realizing that I care way too much and doubting you care the way I do and ultimately worrying and crying nonstop. It sucks. Especially since I don't want to cut off ties with you. I want you. I just want me too. I want to protect myself. If I stop talking to you then I'm in control, except you make me happy and the idea of trying to cut you out of my life is painful to even think about. And when I'm with my family, if you can even call them that, I'm such a mess. I'm worried you'll hurt me now, now when I'm already down. I'm so vulnerable. Please don't hurt me.

I'm actually in break up mode because I'm terrified. I'm so scared to let you in. But I like you and I don't want to lose you but I'm afraid you'll leave me. I'm scared. I'm so scared and I feel so alone.

I'm sorry for being timid. I wish you were here to hold me. I just want to exist with you.