Silent crying scares me. Not being able to make the tears stop. I feel so trapped here. I'm suffocating. I wish I could run away. Never have I been more depressed in my life. It is as though I had finally escaped, as though I had finally broken free from my family and found happiness in college. Only to return and realize that no matter how hard I try, I'll always be stuck here. Sometimes I think I want to run away for good. Flee the country and cut off all ties with them. Maybe then I'd be able to get to bed without crying myself to sleep. I don't feel safe here, I'm constantly walking on broken glass. I just want to be held and told that everything is okay, that it's going to be okay. But you're not here. And it's not okay. It's not okay that being here affects me so drastically. I automatically revert back to dreams of escaping, dreams of running away.

For the first time in my life I had stopped dreaming of running, I had stopped running altogether. And it barely lasted. I'm already back where I started, running from this house and these people. I'm not okay.