Being Angry.

I don't get angry very often. In most situations, I blame myself, so I get sad or frustrated or just plain upset. What hardly happens is that I get genuinely angry at people. Yes, I am a human being and I do get annoyed and I find things aggravating, but when do I get this irate? Not often.

So fuck all of you.


Why am I mad? I'm mad because on a regular basis, I think about other people. I'm not just saying this, I'm not just trying to talk myself up as a good person. I really do care and I really do try to be considerate of others' feelings. For example, today. I went to the bathroom before class, looked in the mirror, didn't think I was ugly or anything negative (yes I'm getting better), but instead thought "maybe I'll put on some make up for the next time I see my boyfriend so I can look extra nice for him." That sounds so fake and superficial and dumb, but it's seriously what ran through my head. I remember wanting to laugh at myself for that one. Also, if you are the least bit sick or stressed... Done. I'm worried. You've got my attention and my full willingness to do just about anything for you. I've experienced a lot of this the past week with not you who's probably reading this. But with the person that constantly stresses me out the most.
I'm honestly so angry right now that I feel a complete disconnect from my usual considerate self, so I'm really struggling to think of examples. Go figure.

The reason why I'm mad is because other people just don't do this. I guess another example of me is my willingness to try and communicate and figure things out. Why doesn't anyone else just send a simple fucking text message?! This is something I cannot fathom. At all. This morning, my 11 am class got out incredibly early, at 11:30. I have friends in the classroom next to me, so instead of ditching them, I stayed in the classroom on my computer reading articles until they got out. While deeply reading something James Franco wrote, I hear familiar voices in the hallway and look up to witness my two friends walking past me completely oblivious. I saw them before class. They knew I was there. And if they wanted to leave early, they could have texted me. It's not fucking hard. Because I had all my stuff out on my desk, I texted one of them and she claimed my classroom's door had been closed. I quickly ended that lie. So then she went and blamed her forgetting me on a lack of sleep and the fact that she didn't eat breakfast. Both of those apply to me, yet I'm still able to think about your wellbeing. Did I mention that they didn't come back? Yeah too busy doing other shit. Of course. Why would anyone waste their time on me?
That was at 11:40. My boyfriend also had class from 11-11:50. Determined to have some human contact, I wait another ten minutes, leave my building to go sit in front of his.... Where I wait... And wait... And wait. My boyfriend's phone is broken and doesn't text, so that's fine and understandable and I can't be mad about it. I'm not mad about it. Maybe at this point I'm just mad at me for fucking caring about people who couldn't care less about me. When I called him, I learned that he was home because he had an exam and got out early. Well, great, I got out twenty minutes ago and have been waiting for people who obviously don't wait for me.

I guess that's just it. I was openly willing to wait for multiple people. When they assumed I was busy, they didn't bother to wait for me. They never even considered it. Great. I'm glad that my feelings don't matter. I really just hate everyone right now and I mean that to an extreme. I'm just pissed that no one fucking cares.


Fuck everyone. I just want to be alone. Fuck you.