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Soco Amaretto Lime - Brand New
In high school, I really struggled with art class. Not necessarily because I was "bad" at art, if that's even possible, but because my art teacher kind of bullied me. She made me feel absolutely terrible about my art, and I think my work started to reflect it. It's so sad when people allow their personal aesthetic to prevent them from being supportive. I'm just now realizing how I crave to turn my frustration of people not liking my work into art. I want to shove it in their faces that I can in fact create things worth looking at. It really sucks that I feel I have to prove myself and my abilities. I guess thinking about it, the only medium I've really had support for is writing, but even that is iffy. For the longest time, my parents would ridicule my love of art, music, and literature, claiming that none were suitable careers and that I would be a starving artist. Only recently have I begun to receive their support in writing, and it's only because they think I have some "talent." What is talent even? I can tell you right now, I am a person of passion. All "talent" is simply a result of hard work and dedication.
I don't know what I'm getting at... I think it's that the next step on my journey to self-acception and appreciation is my own appreciation of my art. I shouldn't need validation about what I'm putting out, and it shouldn't matter whether you like my work or not. I won't allow it to matter, I won't allow your personal opinion to affect me. I will teach myself how to be the confident person I want to be. Which means it shouldn't matter whether my viewers want to see words or images or what. I need to start creating for me again, whatever that means. The competitive side of me wants to show you that I am capable of creating something beautiful, and the most awe-inspiring things I create are created with myself in mind. I have to make art for me, I have to write for me, I have to exist for me, not for you. It's only when I truly love my work that maybe you will to. And if you don't love it or if you look down upon me as an artist, then fuck you. Every individual is different. What makes me an artist may not apply to you or any one else.
God damn, I just want to create something. Right now. I wish I had my watercolors.
The competitive side of me wants to make something so I can shove it in your face and say "APPRECIATE ME, DAMNIT! I'M AN ARTIST TOO! I CAN CREATE TOO! I CAN MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS, I CAN INSPIRE BIRDS TO SING! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH PASSION."
The realistic side of me says "make things for you, make things for no one but you." So that is exactly what I will do.
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| mine. (a doodle) |
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