ache

first glance. blonde hair. curly, messy, unruly. tired green eyes. exhausted, sometimes sad, weary. pursed lips. throat constantly swallowing. chin tilted down, gaze glued to the floor. arms hugging own body, stomach in a curl, breathing inconsistent. first glance, maybe shy. relatively normal.
second glance. bubbly, bouncing blonde hair. bright green eyes. beaming smile. boisterous laugh. arms hugging other people. second glance, loud and joyous. relatively normal.
what you don't see. me alone every night. wet eyes that get brighter with each tear drop. shaky hands, quivering heart. always a second thought. trying to reach out to others and never receiving a reply. me trying to take deep breaths to calm down. trying to trying to trying to think of something to do with myself.
me. alone. always. craving a hug or someone else's arms. but here i am closing my eyes as tight as possible, praying the tears don't come. sometimes i fool myself into thinking that people actually care. that i actually have friends. that every once and a while i do wander across someone's mind. but here i am. alone, alone, alone. always begging you to hang out and be my friend and you don't ever think of me. am i invisible? there's an ache in the center of my body, a darkness slowly spreading out, i am drifting away. i wish you cared, but i know you don't.



so instead of seeking your friendship, tonight i'll hide inside a book. also, fuck you.