I let myself fall for a boy, and now I don't know what to do. Twice I fell asleep in his arms, two nights we snuggled together, two mornings I woke up to his blue eyes. His constant giggle and the fact that he kissed me everywhere. On the shoulders, on my forehead, on my lips and hips and cheeks. Now I just feel tired. Maybe I haven't slept well since I've slept alone. Some men die under the mountain just looking for gold, some die looking for a hand to hold. Is that what I'm looking for? I'm constantly distracted. Yes, I'm still sick and it's hard to focus when it hurts to breathe/swallow/cough/exist, but I'm distracted by something else too. A feeling in my gut. The causation of my corruption of goosebumps covering my skin. I close my eyes and feel cold and lonely and I can't help but want his presence, agin. Clearly, I am hopeless in all the wrong ways. All the ways you don't want to be if you don't want to get hurt. Maybe I need to build myself back up. Go back to the ignorance of mindless sex. The perfect prescription for my unwanted attachment to the boy I fell for. The way I fell for you. And to think of the words I wrote of you. Almost praising, somewhat cautious but mostly too busy being caught up in you. I like the way you breathe (with me). With me. The way you breathe with me. It was as though our breaths were tangled together as one, cold feet in between warm feet. Again, I am covered in goosebumps. And where are you?
And where are you?