I feel like I try so hard to be a good friend and... Nothing. Today my roommate got into a fight with her boyfriend, so I went out and bought her candy and ice cream to surprise her with and make her feel better. And while she appreciated the gift, my reaching out to her did not bring us any bit closer. I feel so alone all the time. I feel like so many people at least get along with their roommate. My roommate and I hardly ever talk. And then everyone thinks that I had it easy making friends out here because one of my friends from high school is a sophomore out here. Well guess what! I honestly doubt she gives two fucks about me. There's all this stuff I wanted to talk to her about, to just have someone to confide in, but she's never there for me. I've been trying to see her so I could let her know that I'm considering transferring. I've been trying to do this for almost two weeks now. I'm always asking people to hang out and no one's ever asking me. I'm just sick of no one caring. I feel so fucking useless all the time. Everything seems so pointless. Am I pointless? Obviously. Since I have no friends and do not positively affect anyone's life at all. I feel like such an absolute failure. Right now I'm going absolutely no where. I don't feel intellectually challenged or inspired. I'm not making friends or growing as a person. I'm fucking sitting in my dorm room alone every night. I'm trying to make friends only to find myself still alone! I'm making friends with books. This is like middle school and high school all over again. This is so reminiscent of my parents' divorce when all I had was books.
Books are great. But I really just want a friend.
I want a friend.
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