I'm upset, yes. Yes, I am upset. How do I explain that I'm upset and that I want you to stay while still supporting you to do what you want to do and not forcing you to stay ever? How do I do this without making you feel bad or obligated to spend time with me? Because I want you to choose me. I wish you chose me over going but I could never force it. It really only means anything if you choose without my influence. And I don't want to lie to you.
How do I do all this and still feel like a human being? How do I feel deserving of love and deserving of your presence? (I don't.) (Maybe I should just forget me.) (Forget deserving of love.) (Fuck deserving.) (Undeserving.) (Me.)